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Tuesday, February 12th, 2008
12:04 pm - There'll Be No More Crying In The Rain.
There's always a classic case of 'streotype' which surrounds the world and everybody inside it..

The best friends who you cling to in fear of being alone, the friend you hide your feelings for, in fear that you'll fuck up everything.. even though you've convinced yourself they are in love with you too.. and perhaps if you just told them they'd confess the same to you.

The ex boyfriend who even though you tell yourself you can live without him - you cant. Playing songs which tell you you're 'over it'.. when in actual fact you arent.. and it seems like you never will be.

The friends and lovers you lost along the years.. you try to remind yourself why you're not friends anymore.. you forget the reaons, and then you realise.

The mother who you'd die for.. wanting to help her yet knowing you cant, wanting to give the world but you can only give your heart.

Wanting to grow up and be stable.. wanting to be happy, striving for freedom and acceptance.. needing to be alone.

Life's hard.. so very hard, and no matter how much you try to keep your head above the water.. you know that ultimately, if you don't fix it soon.. you'll drown.

You'll never change, there'll be no more crying in the rain.
x

current mood: thoughtful

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Thursday, December 20th, 2007
10:26 am - Dorothy Isn't In Kansas Anymore.. at all
Do you ever think that things are perfectly okay, until a storm comes across and fucks it all up?.. I've been living with a girl called Lindsey now for the past month and a half, lets just say that the shit has hit the fan, we've had a row today the first one.. and i actually let my "ricky" side out, she's been pissing me off walking round the house like she owns the fucking place. No hun, I'm the landlord, you're the tenant. You're rent is a week late, your attitude sometimes fucking stinks and i've been doing everything you say since you've moved in.. thing is, how DARE YOU have a go at me for not doing the dishes when your shit is EVERYWHERE in the livingroom, shoes, waredrobe, christmas shopping, clothes, dirty clothes fucking EVERYTHING.. i've painted the bathroom sorted out the lights and tidied up all my shit.. not to mention tidied around your fucking shit every day of the week.. well today is when it's all come to blow. I want to live on my own, i've decided. I PRAY your rent isnt in my bank on Friday.. i hope & i fucking pray.

Yes i havent updated in months, no not bothered. I'm not going to paint a pretty picture, this is fucking me off and i'm serious.. if you can't handle the heat then get out of my fucking kitchen.

Love ya! haha.
x

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Wednesday, October 17th, 2007
8:55 pm - Tonight we're gonna party, shame it work it coz we're high off the drugs.
Well hello there.. rollercoaster past months, lost friendships, gained friendships but anyway..

just wanted to say started a new job working for a bank (i really enjoy it).. and the biggest news is im starting my own company as of april 2008........ do you love it?

still here, still alive.. will update more when i have time.
http://www.youtube.com/iseeboys

ricky & shaniqua x

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Saturday, September 8th, 2007
11:29 am - Your Love Is So Past Tence.
Life is really good at the moment, I got Fired from BUPA due to some stupid e-mails sent back and fourth with an old friend of mine.. long story, i'm sure if i could be bothered i'd go into it but i can't be bothered. I have a new job lined up which is £25,000 per year... i'm getting back to where i was before, i've had a good 6 months living the 'doss' life however i need to get things back on track! I have my final interview for this place on Monday - they like me so much they're even considering using me to fill a 'new' position.. which they haven't even thought of yet! They want to utilise me.. which is really exciting, if i get the Job Monday i will be buying a car and have it by Friday..

I CANT FUCKING BELIEVE IT.. A CAR... it's been like, 6 months without one and i miss it more then you'll ever know, it means i'll be able to see all of my friends all the time, and most importantly of all my FAMILY! Watch this space and pray i get the JOB!

On other news, i went out for dinner On thursday with friends, we went to China town which was really nice (Although the place we went to was really scabby, we was doing stupid shit like chucking ribs at the wall to piss off the cleaners... haha!!)

Today i'm going to a Party! It's Darren's birthday.. can you believe it, the party starts at 3.30!........ i am going to be, so so so so so so wasted. There's karaoke there too so lord help everybody when i'm drunk! *ricky grabs the microphone*.. AND IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII, WILL ALWAYS LOVE YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!!.

Sunday I'm going to my parents for sunday dinner and to see the family really, then going for drinks with Miss Stacey Wells!.. that should be a blast!

Interview monday, and too right i'm going to update you.

xxxxxxxx

current mood: excited

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Wednesday, September 5th, 2007
10:38 am - If You've Ever Been To Heaven This Is Twice As Nice.
oh my goodness, have you heard Britney's new song? "Gimmie more?" If you haven't, i suggest you check it out below.. Madonna's doing hip hop? HAHAHA.. Britney pisses all over Madonna's new "let's try something different, i'm tired of doing the same old thing" shit.



Stacey came around on Saturday night, we went for a really nice meal and then went back to the apartment for drinks, youtube madness and films!.. It's funny because she was like "Lets go the gay village" before we had even made any plans and do you know what? I said no, i didn't want to go.. josh has been asking me loads and so have my other friends but i just want to stay away from that place - Not to avoid my old friends, haha - no way.. i'd like to see that little troll Junior and show him what for, but i get what Josh is saying.. it wouldn't be a fair fight, that won't stop me though - BUT.. it's because i don't like the person i become when i go there, or most of the people that do go there!.. I'll go on occassion but i'll stick to doing more social activities.. like entertaining on evenings, going for dinner & FINALLY getting round to going to alton towers!

Nothing that interesting to update you all with, added some more stupid youtube video's up - one with me dancing like a fool as shaniqua. haha, love it. love you. goodnight x.

xxxx

current mood: hopeful

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Wednesday, August 29th, 2007
9:35 pm - He Said She Said.
Isn't life wonderful? Aren't people complete and utter idiots?.. i feel like venting, letting the whole world know about what's been going on with me lately!

For some strange reason.. i lost my way, i don't know if it was the excitement, the crazy party life.. the drugs, the alcohol, the sex.. i'm not sure but i've landed back in reality now and feel 1,000 times better for it. I'd been hanging with this Tramp called Junior.. what a fucking loser.. it's so much easier to talk about these people in sub categories, so lets do this bitches.

Junior - Okay, first of all i should have had bad vibes about this guy when i first met him, and to be honest i think i did but i chose to ignore them. When i met him he had been living off his best friend for the past year or so.. living rent free, getting paid £20 a day to do fuck all and just literally bum off his mate. HAHA because that's what friends do, right? His boyfriend (who was a really nice guy before he got with junior).. started to be really nasty towards him, even 'allegedly' beating him up.. i'll tell you something for what, i know what that feels like to want to hit Junior.. i've had to stop myself several times. He's a hooker, a slag - literally... he sleeps with people for money, don't get me wrong.. the idea came into my mind but i never went through with it, it wasn't even a last resort for me. (I came close, but didn't lower myself to that standard). The boy doesn't wash, his breath stinks of shit and he's a drug addict. Needless to say he spread rumors around about his best friend and his ex getting together.. lol, what a fucking low life. Can we say, council? Can we say, wannabe? Can we say, dead in alley?... soon, yes.

Damon - Okay, i don't want to ramble on about this guy.. i had a go at him, one time.. and he goes off his head, not to be funny but isn't it ironic how Junior had been bitching about Damon all day.. and because i'm the one to say something i'm the 'drama starter'.. i'm the issue?.. nah, i just like to get shit out in the open, this bitch is NOT two faced.. needless to say we're not talking now, am i gutted? well, to be honest.. he's the only one who i'm remotely bothered about.. life goes on.

Glenn - Haha, okay.. this dude is Effed up - everybody knows about his 'sensitivity' issues.. his, 'needy' attitude, which leads to ultimate suffocation, i've been told by everybody in that circle of friends that they dislike him and the way he is, but obviously because they're all false they are all lovely and jubly to his face - don't get me wrong.. he's actually a nice guy if you take away all of his bad points, I don't think i gave him a chance really.. my mistake.

Irish Ian - Hmm.. how can somebody, be so nice one day and then turn into a nasty person the next? I was kinda semi- seeing him & a guy called Dwight at the same time (i know, i know, it's complicated).. and yet, he completely fucked me over and started seeing Dwight.. (lol, funny i know but i guess, i should have handled the situation better?!).. i had gone off ian for weeks and had told everybody this but it's the principle of the matter, isn't it?.. everybody forgets what he did to me, and IM the drama starter.. OH YAH, SORRY I LYKE TOTTALY FORGOT THAT BABEZ.. Like omg.

It's a shame really that when you get so close to people you forget that theres a whole world out there, with people who genuinely like you, for you.. you know?! All of my old friends, Stacey, Darren, Louise, Alice, Kirk, Megan, Duke, Bianca, Lee, Richard.. the list goes on really, they're my TOP priority right now.. go back to what you know, rewind it!

Joshua & I are perfect right now, i was such a fucking shit friend to him man.. never again, i'd move the world for him.. and lost my way.. with an idiot. Never again.. that's a promise to myself - One i'm going to keep.

Oh, and btw.. a bit from Juniors Diary, dated the 23rd August..haha
"So basically all i am saying is a couldn't give a flying toss what that orange faced ginger thing says about me because i won, and he lost and thats all that matters!"

"And as for Irish Ian i just wanna say this to him and anybody else reading this, DON'T FUCK WITH MY FRIENDS, or you will end up in Salford!
Now, Crystal, still not sure about her and what she is saying behind our backs but if i find that she is bitching about us then she can FUCK OFF TO HER DEFORMED BODIED FRIEND, and if i find out she has been loyal then i class her as a close equatence.
Dwight, GO BACK TO WYTHENSHAWE AND LOOK AFTER YOUR IMAGINARY CHILD."

lol, some people... they're so pathetic. I LOVE IT! x

current mood: amused

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Monday, July 9th, 2007
6:38 pm - Dear Diary (My Truth)
Dear Diary,

Why is it that the sun always returns, the seasons always change and my life is always surrounded by fake people who continue to blurt out bullshit and expect me to play nice? Friends come and go like the seasons.. but one thing i'll always have is my heart, and that's about the only thing that i know is true. Here in this letter i write my truth, here in this letter i lay all of my shit bare. This is me.

Don't hate me because of my honesty, don't dislike me because of what i have to say - don't fucking ask me if you look fat in that dress if you don't want my opinion. Don't ask me what i think if you only want to hear what sounds nice.. i'll tell you the truth, i'll tell you what i think and if you can't handle it then don't fucking ask.

Don't want me because of my social status, don't fuck me to make friends.. i can see right through you and believe me, even though these glasses were once tinted there now clear as day and i won't be blinded with your broken words or your silent humor.. you mean nothing to me. Nothing at all.

Once upon a time there was a boy who knew nothing, he knew not of love or life.. not of independance or the hard life. Once upon i time i was that boy but i have grown and know more than i had ever of hoped to. Life right now for me is wonderful.. i have the friends i'bve always desired, i have the job i have always wanted and i live in a place which i can now call my home. Enough of the riddles i hear you say? I've had enough of you.

What's new in my life? Well, on friday i attended a party at my friend juniors house, which was wonderful.. i fucked an 18 year old virgin in his bed and loved every minute of it, he was divine and i felt self ricious, i can do it - so why not?

I've decided to remove the people in my life who are just a broken attatchment, people who no-longer gel in this thing i call myspace. Myhome. Mylife.

For all of you who care, and all that pay attention.. things are changing, so fit in or get out.

Ricky. x

current mood: bitchy

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Monday, June 11th, 2007
6:42 pm - Confessions Of A Broken Heart.
It's funny, life is just pretty darn funny. At work there is this guy called Darren - now darren isn't like any usual straight guy.. he's funny for starters, and such a beautiful beautiful person.. the thing is - i found myself falling for him and it's like, i was torn because i could never be with him obviously because he was fucking straight and also because.. i'd rather have him as a friend then something that could never amount to anything.

Turns out he's gay as they fucking come. I was non the wiser.. everybody else around me saw it (josh, stacey) but i didn't want to believe him to be gay. He was my straight darren and i liked the fact that a straight person was comfortable enough with their sexuality to actually get close to me.. boy was i wrong. He chose to tell me on a night out.. pissed up, i didn't believe him for one second but when he finally went on about it enough i wanted the earth to open up below me and eat me raw, like sushi darling. Not only is he gay, but he's got a fucking boyfriend who he's been with for 8 years, they live together and everything.

The funny thing is though, i don't fancy him like that anymore, now that i know he's gay.. it's like, we're more just like best friends and i like it that way, some things aren't worth messing with.. and i realised, it was the straightness that i was attracted to.. not Darren. Does that make sense? does it fuck. I KNOW WHAT I MEAN!!! !!..

Man wise.. it's strange because i'm not actively seeking a relationship, but when you're not looking they all come out the fucking wood words.. a couple of names to mention, Glenn, Jays, Irish Alan (fuck, i can't remember who i've been lusting after...) DO YOU REMEMBER JAYS?.. haha, he is gorgeous, he might be a headfuck but i like him.. doesnt mean we're gonna get married. Like i said, no boyfriends im just having pure & simple fun. Glenn i've met properly like once.. and he's texting and calling me.. as if we've known eachother for fucking years.. he's gorgeous, and josh fancy's him but.. he doesn't fancy josh - junior told me. I feel bad for josh because i feel that one day he will hate me for just being me.. and i don't want that to happen ever. ever ever. I love Joshua with all my heart and he will forever be my baby boy.

"I belong to me, i don't belong to you.. my heart is my possession & i'll be my own reflection".

current mood: hot

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Thursday, May 24th, 2007
7:00 pm - Beautiful Liar.
Yep, you guessed it. Ricky is back at old square one and feeling pretty darn stupid. Terrance and i.. (after one year and a bit of being together) have finally broken up. Unexpected yes.. you all knew i was unhappy, you could tell from my blog but it was a shock! One day he was here and the next he wasn't.. it's been about a month now but do you know what? I haven't cried yet and i've been so strong. So so strong. I was listening to a very old song from a singer called sinéad quinn.. it's called i can't breakdown.. i'll write the words here, they're beautiful!

Now I know i can handle this, i shut my mouth and clench my fist.. i've lived this day in a thousand ways but there's a flaw to add to list. Go on, squeeze a little more, 'cos if you scream i'll just ignore you. I've rehearsed this scene in a thousand dreams, you're getting closer to my core.

Tears don't you fall.. eyes don't you cry - need to get me round this corner.. i can't breakdown, breakdown. Pride don't cave in, head don't let go.. while i'm open and you can read me i can't breakdown. Breakdown."


Isn't life so strange? I never expected to be working for BUPA Healthcare either with Stacey again, life actually is really good - still utterly broke but feeling great for it. Sometimes when you've had the money, had the luxury.. when it gets taken away from you, you realise life isnt exactly all about having the nicest car, the largest group of superficial friends, that perfect boyfriend.. that shit's only for people on the big screen.. i will get around this corner and i will not breakdown. EVER.

Josh my bestmate is being really helpful with the situation, we're sacking off men entirely but i know he still longs for a boyfriend deep down inside.... he's going around to some guys house who has HIV and yeah, i know they'll fuck. EVEN though he says that it's not his intention it will happen - silly silly boy. No man is ever worth that disease.. even if they are really nice, but fuck - especially when you hardly know them. He's stupid but one day he will realise.. i just hope that he never catches anything and ends up in a bit of a situation. Good luck to him.. but i wont try to rule his life, that i promise myself.

Oh i forgot to say, terrance moved back to newcastle and he owed me some money so was supposed to be paying me money on a monthly basis.. he's changed his number and today i text him saying he was a cunt to his sister.. she text back saying he'd lost his phone and that i shouldnt kick off when i don't know what's gone on. I'll tell you what's gone on.. i've been had - BIGSTYLE!!.. never again.

fucking blogs, drive me crazy. But i love it.. and like i always say, i'll try a bit harder.
Loveyou. Ricky.

current mood: aggravated

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Tuesday, April 24th, 2007
5:25 pm - Guess who's back.......... back again!
Doesn't time fly?... remember when i had my 'premonition' and i told you to watch out for 'Terrance'? Can i just say that BOYYYYY was i right, we're now living together.. engaged and very much in love.

Y'all know that i only post here when shit's going down right?.. well, yeah, shit is going down and in my opinion.. fuck myspace, fuck deathjournal.. fuck everything else apart from livejournal. I'll tell you why shall i? Only I know myself. I don't write this journal hoping that close friends will find it so they can know all my inner most darkest feelings, i don't write here to be socially acceptable or perhaps liked by anybody else! (oh read my journal so & so, i wrote something lovely about you).. what i say on here is true and personal and IF by some small chance somebody from the net stumbles across my page.. you don't know me? I don't know you. Make your own judgements i couldn't care less.

I'm sick and tired of wanting to post on here but not doing so, i'm sick of saying i'll do things and then just not. I'm not going to spend another entry ranting on how i'm going to try either.. i'll blog when appropriate... in which that time i feel is now.

Terrance and I are going through some relationship problems, i treat him like shit and i can't carry on like that. I love him, need him.. breathe him. He's my life and without him i'm nothing, we almost broke up last night - well we practically did for a few minutes, and guess what? My heart had been torn into a thousand pieces and shoved right into my face. Note to self.. just stop. Be happy. Live life.

I have a dog, his name is paris - he's a yellow labrador......... still living with josh even though he moved out for like 2 months. What else? Now working for BUPA private medical insurance. I love it.. but yet again, its my second week and i was already in trouble today. NOT intentional.. sometimes i wonder if i'm such a nice person.

i need to love myself more. I feel like shit, put loads of weight on.. just generally not happy.. even though i should be. Broke - which is extremely unusual for me and in debt - the list just goes on. Things will take a turn for the better though someday - i know it. I know it because faith is all that keeps me going, keeps me strong.. and for that i pray.

ricky.

current mood: blah

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Sunday, August 20th, 2006
4:01 pm - I'm a Lady but i'm dancing like a ho!
My ears are still acheing from the speakers.. i was out partying thursday, friday, saturday...... i'm officially dead. lol - forget the Joshua episode that's officially over. I'm completely done with the 'jealousy' thing, we all go through stages of acting like idiots! Unfortunately for me i had to go through it right now, which pisses me off but c'est la vie!..

One word for you.. 'Terrance'. Watch this space..... i'm off to get a KFC.

xx

current mood: tired

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Wednesday, August 9th, 2006
1:50 am - Fallen To Pieces.. No more.
I'm acting like a lovesick fucking teenager and right now i hate myself, i want to get out of this idiotic phase.. i want to break out of this ignorant and loathing attitude and just be the Ricky that I know i am. I'm probably making no sense in these journals but it's just somewhere i can go to vent my anger and my feelings. I need to be a good friend to Joshua, I NEED to be supportive and i need to start now.. before he gives up on me and we end up just losing our friendship all together.

I'm such an idiot.. Ricky, Enough!

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Tuesday, August 8th, 2006
5:42 pm - It's My Life... & It's Now Or Never.
The way i look at things at the moment is that do you know what? Recently my life has revolved around one person, Joshua. For the past 4 or 5 months i've spent every waking second with this guy and although i love him to pieces maybe i need fresh air?... a bit of space, a bit of "ricky and his other friends" time - you know? So i've made plans, plans that don't involve him.

Tonight - I was supposed to be going to canal street with Kate but i cancelled as it's been a stressful day (lol)

Wednesday - I'm over at my mums for the evening as my aunty and cousin arrive, i haven't seen them in years so it would be absolutely wonderful to spend some time with them having chats etc.

Thursday - Stacey & Kate are coming around to mine for a 'girly night in'... we're watching dvd's.... eating chocolate and getting wasted (that should be a right laugh)

Friday - I'm staying over at Dan's on friday night.. we're having a meal and watching some films, getting drunk once again and having a good old fun time.

Saturday - I'm going out to canal street with Tim, Tim's a great laugh and it should be mucho fun!!

Sunday - Ice skaing with Stacey & Kate - this should be fucking awesome.. i haven't been in forever.

So basically.. i'm keeping myself really busy and all should be all well and true, i'm not going to Mope around the house bored off my face waiting for Joshua to come home and tell me how loved up he is with his new fella. I'm not doing it to be nasty, i'm doing it because i care so much........... i can't help but be negative so the best i can do is take away my negative energy and let him enjoy himself, Sometimes to love somebody means to let them go.

xx

current mood: uncomfortable

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Monday, August 7th, 2006
10:59 pm - I Was Not Supposed To Fall In Love With You.
I'm feeling so emotional right now.......... i'm taking a look over my life with my big brown eyes and starting to see things for what they really are. How can you be so surrounded by so many people and yet feel so alone?.. I can't point a finger on what i'm feeling it's just so bizzarre... angry, jealous, upset, hurt, envious, passion, hate.............. why did i ever think that things would always stay the way they were?, Why was i so stupid to think it would be me & him forever?

I've done the desperate bit........ i've done the random relationship bit, but right now my body ache's for something deeper, something emotional and true. I should feel excited for him but i'm not... and this makes me feel like a bad person......... i'm such an idiot.

"I'm in love with you, you silly thing.....anyone can see".

current mood: jealous

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10:55 pm - I feel like quitting this job....... for a while.
"In denial, no my life's a trial
I'm not denying that every
little bit hurts
It's a problem that I'm not solving
Don't mind admitting
I feel like quitting this job
For a while getting away
Before it gets any worse today

You're in denial, and that is final
You're not admitting
You should be quitting all these
Queens and fairies
And muscle Marys
The rough trade boyfriend
Who in his pathetic own way
Denies he's gay
Why can't you see
This is a fantasy world

I'm not denying
I could be trying
A little harder
To deal with some of this stuff

Know what I'm thinking
Less drugs and drinking
No cigarettes and you'd feel
A little less rough"


current mood: melancholy

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Sunday, August 6th, 2006
7:44 pm - I wanna see you all on your knee's, knee's.
Well, for the record - Joshua still isn't back yet.. and yes, it is 7.45 (what's going on?)... Let's see how well I know him. I reckon that he's probably got with this Barman dude thing from Thompsons and is shagging him senseless off his face on drugs. What Joshua doesn't seem to remember is that he's in work tommorrow... none of his work stuff is washed and that weekends don't last forever. I know i'm sounding like a whingeing mother fucker but i dont really care, it's my journal so i'll bitch all i want - right? I do worry about him though, i mean fair play.. shag around and sleep with whoever (he hasn't had sex in ages) but come on.

I've been trying to get into contact with my Dad for years now and to no avail i've failed. My question is how on earth can one man be so fucking selfish? He hasn't contacted me in god knows how many years and he hasn't contacted his own family either (his mother, brothers etc) It's as if he's fallen off the face of the earth and just moved on with his life. I've been worried that he has been killed, overdosed, gone to prison.. anything really, my dad's kinda a bad-ass and doesn't listen to the law. Why do i want to find him i hear you ask - well............ sometimes you have to get closure you know? Now that i'm older i know so much more and there are so many questions i'd like to ask him, before it's too late.

I've tidyed up the apartment so everythings looking glossy.. I've decided i'm also going to change my stupid lifestyle.... like i said earlier i'm tired of the alcohol, the drugs, the partying.. i'm tired of this game. I'll openly admit that yes i'm lonely....... i miss that special person in my life and it's been quite a while since i've had it. Properly. All of my boyfriends have been fucking idiots and they've ALL turned sour (as i'm sure you can read from my previous entries)... it's depressing, but what do you do? You dust yourself off and try again. I need to pick up the pace... i've learnt so much from my experiences that i can hopefully get on with my life and become a better person.

First things first i want to sort my hair out, i've had a shaved head for like a year now... i want my long hair back, and that's pretty much that really so regardless of what Stacey & My Mum say i want it back. The diet has pretty much died... all in all ive lost about 3 and a half stone... (there's 14 pounds in a stone)... but i hit a brick wall, i'm picking the pace up with that too.... back on the diet, i'm not stopping now, not after i've come so far.

What i need to remember is okay...............Joshua is my flatmate, my best friend and my flatmate (but not my only friend). I need to let him get on with his shit, and i'll deal with mine. Step aside bitches, Ricky's back.


xxxxxxx

current mood: determined

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1:06 pm - I'm Not A virgin But I'm Not The Whore You Think.
Have you ever thought you was in love............. then changed your mind? Then re-thought you was in love again, confessed your feelings on drugs and then suddenly realised that you didn't feel that way and now everything felt slightly uncomfortable?.. okay, well - i've done it and now i feel really fucking stupid.

My flatmate, or shall we say 'apartmentmate'.. had to whitness me being slightly intoxicated with illegal substances confessing my love for him and my obsession... but the thing is, it was a ridiculous phase i was going through in my life which was pushed and felt stronger due to the pills (i wish i could have known that at the time as i truely did believe what i was saying...) The next day i even went and bought him a teddy and shit, still believing what i had said the night before (confused? you should be).

Yesterday i went and got a piercing on my lip.. like near the right crease of my mouth. It looks cool but it fucking hurts to eat and i keep getting it caught which is uber annoying. If worse comes to worse i'll just take it out... .. anyway we went out last night (as we do every fucking weekend) and i went home at like 1am. I do this all the time now.. I've gotten to the stage now in my life where i don't just want to go out and get fucked and pissed and screw around.. (from my blog as i'm sure you can tell i've done that and purchased the t-shirt ten times over).. so i only really do it to help Joshua. Anyways as per usual i left Joshua to find his other friends and went home.. .. i woke up today and he wasn't home.

Turns out his battery had died and he went back to this fit guys house and was taking loads of drugs like speed, cocaine, the lot really........ worried fucking sick about him. He's a stupid boy but i love him (i've been there............................. we all have to learn right?)

I've just got to sit back and watch the bomb go off & as a friend i've gotta be there to pick up the pieces. x

current mood: restless

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Wednesday, August 2nd, 2006
12:14 am - Baby... I need it.
Believe it or................. i've been away, for a long-ass period of time, which is really crazy. But i tell you what - i'm back and on top form.. updating my diary as and when something important and majorly exciting happens. I kinda miss not having a diary.......... so i've brought you back from the dead and given some serious Mouth to mouth.

I've moved out of home and that was done on the 28th............... I now live in a trendy two bedroom apartment in the manchester city centre which is really cool. BTW i really hate my lifejournal layout............................. ergh, i wish i could start it over!.. (but i don't have the freaking energy...........................

i can't be arsed updating you with everything that's happened up until now but i promise to update like daily. forever. um. ok.

fuck.
x

current mood: tired

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Wednesday, April 12th, 2006
10:06 pm - Maybe We're Crazy... Probably
Drama. Drama drama drama drama. Everything around me is pure drama. Last weekend i was shopping in River Island (yeah half off my face), saw a guy who i thought was extremely cute and had a joke about it with Josh & Carlos once we'd left the store. I was too fucked to even consider chatting him up back so just went on my merry way and continued with my weekend. I turn on my gaydar and guess what? HE'S SENT ME A MESSAGE! lol.. i'm completely and utterly flattered, really i am. What a lovely feeling.

So i get the message whilst on the phone to Kirk............ to cut a long story short, kirk makes me feel like a fucking fool by telling me that he knows this guy and this guys apparently full of shit and he's not 19, he's like 16 or something.. and that the guy showed him some interest and kirk turned him down. He felt great about himself... fantastic. So we had a massive argument, i've deleted him out of my life and it's the end of Kirk & Ricky for like the hundreth time, i have a feeling this complete game over now though.

i'm happy about that. fucking cunt.
x

current mood: stressed

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Monday, April 10th, 2006
11:11 pm - I Can't Go - But I Can't Stay.. I'm Stuck In The Middle (and it's a crazy place)
Wow, so much has happened since.. well... my last post. We're talking back in the day.. back at christmas. Guess what? Ricky's back and i'm going to make a conscious effort to post so much more regularly and update you with everything that's been going on with my life.

Firstly, i have to update you with some new people who have entered my life since december!

Carlos - This guy is absolutely amazing, somebody who supplies me with little presents, big huggles and an ear to bite off.

Ginger Richard - Carlos's Boyfriend.. a really nice guy, who at first i fucking hated and wanted to kill but right now we're on a level where we really like eachother.

Ben - Ben is fucking fabulous, he's naturally welsh but so funny with it - you would not believe just how great this guy is. A True friend.. my rock.

Lee - he's a love interest of mine who i've kissed etc, but i've never gone the 'full hog' with.. his brother's called Jamie.

Jamie - Jamie is Lee's twin brother.. you'd think identical twins would be, well identical? Luckily enough though these twins are very different, Jamie happens to be the more outrageous one (or maybe the rebel?)

Josh - Potential Flatmate, absolutely fantastic guy (he works at McDonalds.. yay!).. only 17 years old but the head ontop of his shoulders is so much more advanced, i really like this guy - he's sweet and offers fantastic advice.

Jon - This guy was at one time my best friend, we spent every weekend together but as of late his attitudes been getting on my knackers! Outrageous, amazing, bizarre.. Jon to a T.

Andy - Ridiculous Baghead

Martin - The ridiculous Bagheads transexual boyfriend (don't ask).

Richard - Carlos's Best friend.. aka the 'fieldmouse'.. hillarious guy, very 'fiddly'

Jays - A Guy i dated for a few weeks and dumped via a text message.

Simon - My new boss (oh yeah btw i started a new job on January the 16th.

Benji - A Camp guy i met through gaydar, he's currently working as an air steward.

Okay why did i just do all that? i wanted to update but there was farrr too much to update with and i'd be here forever so ive just really quickly broken down the people who i'll be talking about over the next couple of months.. just use it as a reference, it will all make sense in the end. I'll update properly tommorrow from work - but for now, goodnight.

x

current mood: hungry

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